You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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