Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize