They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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