I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
