i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
