So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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