i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
