do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
