best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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