That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
