I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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