I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
