You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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