She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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