just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
