Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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