Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
