Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
