hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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