so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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