Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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