I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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