Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
