So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
