sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
