Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
