I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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