afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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