Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
