your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
