dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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