Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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