your room smells of hookers.
And success
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
