She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I supernannyed him into submission
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
