paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
