Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
