ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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