I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
