tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
