then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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