Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
