So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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