Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
