Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
