What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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