dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
