Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
