Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
