Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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