I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
