you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize