it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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