Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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