no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Boobs speak an international language.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
