do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
