She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
