I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i am craving dick and cupcakes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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