what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier