watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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