i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
