I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Duck Duck Cougar?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
