that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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