Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
