Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize