Whod you bang
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
