he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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