He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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