pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
there is glitter all over my balls
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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