this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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