I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
