he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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