listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
