I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it because I queefed?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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