saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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