This girl is more easily done than said...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Randomize
