Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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