you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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