if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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