she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
