God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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