somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
