Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How does one acquire holy water?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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